Postpartum Depression is something that I knew about but would’ve never thought I would have. While I was pregnant, I watched a bunch of YouTube videos and read different books about the so called “4th trimester”. I wanted to be as prepared as I can for life with a newborn, learn from others experiences and be ready for what was to come. However, nothing can really prepare you for those early days of motherhood. Still, Nae Nae is about to turn 2 soon and I still feel like I don’t know what I’m doing sometimes.
After having her, I had the “baby blues”, which is quite normal, but they just didn’t go away. But I didn’t realize that. I just kept feeling so sad, anxious, overwhelmed about everything. I wouldn’t sleep because I thought, what if something happens to her? What if she stops breathing? I was so exhausted and just kept feeling like I wasn’t me. I kept crying, everything made me cry. My husband tried to help, he tried to talk to me, but I was in such a bad mood all the time. I was too scared to leave the house with a newborn. I feared everything outside of my home.
Then, my six-week check-up came, and I just remember mentioning something to the nurse and then she kept asking more questions and I busted out in tears. They knew. They made me fill a survey about mental health and I made an appointment with the therapist that week.
I felt ashamed, I didn’t want anyone to know. After my first appointment with the therapist, her and my doctor decided to put me in a low dose of antidepressants. I felt devastated. I didn’t want to accept that I was going through this.
I remember first, having therapy once a week. Then, after a month and a half I started going once, until eventually I went once every month. I was off the antidepressants after 6 months. It was all a life changing experience.
Now, looking back, I’m so grateful for my doctor and my therapist. They were great and were able to notice it in the “early” stages. I accept that I didn’t want to be depressed. There are so many changes happening in a woman’s body after delivering a baby that you can’t control anything about it. I wish PPD is something that women aren’t ashamed to talk about. It happens, but you can get through it.
Being a new mother is so challenging. It is like being in a rollercoaster, but it gets better after some time. I am so happy being with my baby girl, she’s a toddler now but she will always be my baby. I love my little family with all my heart.
Thanks for reading this! Hope it can help at least someone out there.
xo L.
A day in a Mom's life 